


Hell's Kitchen Nine-Nine

by inheritanceofgeek



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Daredevil (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I blame Twitter, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:18:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6326920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inheritanceofgeek/pseuds/inheritanceofgeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Diaz and Jeffords are called out to a Break In they don't expect to find a Sassy Bitter Super Powered PI. Nor do they expect her lawyer to be a blind man who seems all too familiar with dealing with Superheroes. </p><p>Both of them are incredibly Hot. Diaz and Peralta appreciate this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hell's Kitchen Nine-Nine

**Author's Note:**

> I binged Daredevil and then straight afterwards finished off my Brooklyn 99 binge and yeah this was born!
> 
> Also lo and behold friends! A fan fiction that is not from Middle Earth! Told you I could do it. 
> 
> My love and kisses go to Sadieb798 for the Beta <3

Rosa had never been more aroused in her whole life.

 

They’d had a call that someone was breaking into a high-class apartment on 12th street, the suspect being described as a “skinny white girl with black hair”, so it shouldn’t have been anything special.

 

But boy was this girl something else.

 

When Rosa and Terry got there, they discovered that the lock hadn’t been picked so much as punched, the door hanging limply on its side. They silently entered the building, searching the rooms until they found her, flicking through folders she’d taken out from a metal safe that had been literally broken apart.

“Stop what you’re doing and put your hands where I can see them!” Cried Terry, his eyes drifting to the 12-inch thick Safe Door standing on its side. She had to be a Super; the kind that Boyle and Sanchez hero-worshipped: Captain Patriotic and his Band of Misfits. The girl looked up at them, cocking her head to one side and letting out an exasperated breath.

“Look, I’m not here to cause trouble,”She said. “I just want to take these papers and run. I’m one of the good guys.” She seemed shocked by the statement herself.

“Good guys don’t break into apartments and destroy people’s property,” Rosa pointed out

“I’m a Private Investigator, it’s my job.” She narrowed her eyes at Rosa, taking in her leather jacket and semi-permanent scowl. “Which is all rich coming from you. Don’t tell me you’ve never done exactly the same thing to get what you want? I know your type _Detective:_ punch people first, do case work later, right?”

Rose gave a half-hearted shrug. The girl had a point; she wasn’t the most Squeaky Clean of Cops, though Holt had tried to put a stop to that in recent years; especially after what happened with Wilson Fisk in Hell’s Kitchen. Terry shot her a glare as the girl gave Rosa a cocky smile that was starting to do things to her.

“You’re still going to have to come in with us for questioning.” Nodded Terry, grabbing a pair of cuffs from his pocket and taking a step towards her, Rosa stepping in as his backup. The girl was Hot, but it didn’t mean Rosa was going to abandon her partner that easily. The woman looked Terry up and down, cocking an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, not going to happen, Mr. Tiny Head. Some things are more important so, see ya.”

 

She picked up the files and made a dash for the open window.

 

Before they could fire a shot, she’d jumped and the girl had to be dead...right? They were on the fifth floor; there was no way she could have survived that!

 

They rushed to the edge, Terry already calling for backup. When they looked down, there was only the smashed remains of what had been a car and the streak of the girl as she made a run for it.

“What the--” cried Terry. “That was my car! Did you see what she did to my car? My wife is going to murder me! I will be dead all because she--how did she even do that, man?”

“Super powers.” Smirked Rosa. “Awesome. Let’s get her, Boss.”

*

It only took them a couple of hours to track the woman down, what with Rosa feeling particularly motivated to see her again. They’d gotten a tip that a woman matching her description was seen buying whiskey from a corner shop down by the park, and after that it hadn’t been difficult to find her.

PIs with superpowers tended to pick up a reputation whether they wanted to or not.

It turned out the woman in question was one Jessica Jones, and she did not come quietly.

“You’re making a mistake.” She huffed as Terry dragged her into the police station.“There’s a bunch of guys out there looking for blood, and if you want to stop them you’ll let me out of here!”

“Yeah, like a Private Investigator ever did anybody any _real_ good.” Scoffed Terry, shoving her into a cell.

He was pissed off at the girl. Not only had she broken his car, but she also kept sending insults his way. First it had been about his forehead, then it was his shoes--even in the car, she badmouthed his driving! She didn’t know when to stop, and Diaz wasn’t any help what so ever. She was practically drooling over the girl with the kind of lust-filled expression Terry had always associated with the steamy romance novels he liked to read before bed (because Terry was in a committed relationship, but sometimes Terry and his wife needed to unwind and those novels were something they could share together).

Jessica let out a frustrated grunt, slamming her fist into the wall. A few flecks of plaster fell to the floor and he was certain he could heard Diaz give out a little growl at the sight.

“You go process her, Boss. I’ll stay and watch, see what else she does next.” Rosa grinned, watching Jessica as she sulked in the corner shouting about wasted time and how they should be busy catching ‘real’ criminals. Diaz’s expression just got hungrier and hungrier with each moment, so Terry decided it probably best just to leave her to it.

“And tell my bastard lawyer to get here already!” Jones shouted after him.

“You haven’t called a lawyer yet!” Terry called back.

“Yeah well I have now!” she shouted louder, as though she could summon a lawyer from thin air.

Terry shook his head. They’d picked her up at her office, and going off of the bottle of whiskey she had been clutching in her hand, it didn’t take a detective to know that she was probably still drunk.

When he got back upstairs, Jake was staring at a man as if he were Bruce Willis in a white vest.

“You’re a lawyer and you’re blind!” Jake cried excitedly, his mouth hanging open with pure glee. “A blind lawyer!”

“Yes, Detective.” Smiled the man, though he was looking off to the side instead of directly at Peralta. “I feel as though we’ve already established this. Now if you could just let me see to my client--”

“You’re a lawyer who can’t see!” Jake said in a rush, his eyes gleaming. “Justice is _literally_ blind! Oh, is that your tagline? Because if not, then that should _totally_ be your tagline. Like on business cards! _‘Matt Murdock: Justice is Blind and so am I.’_ Or how about, _‘Matt Murdock: The only thing I can see, is the truth’,_ or or--” he was jumping up and down on his toes in excitement. “ _Matt Murdock: ‘Justice is blind and the courtroom hot; good job I’m both of those things.’ ”_

“Peralta! In here now.” Came a shout from the office behind them, drawing away their attention. Jake gave a sigh and trudged into Holt’s Office like a schoolboy being called out by the head teacher.

“What now, Sir?” he sighed closing the door behind him.

“Do you realise how stupid it is to make jokes about a man’s disability within a police station?” Holt frowned at him, radiating disapprovement. “When that man is a lawyer as well? A _lawyer,_ Peralta.”

“Yeah, but Sir, I was only saying--I mean, he’s a representation of justice and he’s blind!” Jake said, waving his arms, as though that could help get his point across better. “That’s not me making fun of him! That’s me being _amazed_ by him! He’s the coolest lawyer I’ve ever met!”

“You’ve barely let him get four words in edgeways since he got here,” Holt pointed out dryly. “Now usually I approve of keeping lawyers quiet, but in this case I suggest you go back out there, and apologise for everything you have just said and done, and then do everything he asks you to do.”

“But Captain—”

“Go Peralta. Now.” He barked and Jake heaved a sigh and went back out there, tail between his legs.

“Everything okay in there?” asked Matt, a charming smile spreading across his face. Damn he was one handsome devil.

“That? Oh that’s just, that’s just the captain wanting a word about…stuff. Um, look, sorry about all the, names and all that. I’m sorry if I offended you in anyway…”

“No, no it’s cool. I may actually use that last one at some point.” He smiled and Jake felt his heart do a flip-flop oopsy-daisy. “However I would very much like to see my client, Jessica Jones? Could you direct me to her arresting officer?”

“Oh! You’re here for Super Woman!” Jake exclaimed, falling more in love each second “Yeah sure, wow. A blind lawyer defending Supers. That’s pretty awesome. You should do something with that.”

“My friend Wade Wilkons recons I should get my own show.” He chuckled, making sure not to use Wade’s actual surname because that would be a breach of copyright and not even the MCU’s Resident Lawyer could get them out of that one.

Jake nodded his agreement, uncertain why this was brought up at all beyond the author’s own fangirl desires and decided it was time to move the plot along.

“Sergeant Jeffords and Detective Diaz were the arresting officers on that one. Hey Terry, over here! Super’s lawyer’s arrived.”

“She didn’t call any lawyer.” Frowned Terry, staring at the man. “She _shouted_ for one, but she never actually called anybody…”

“A friend of hers let me know she might be in need of one.” The lawyer smiled again and if Terry was nothappily married he’d be drooling over the man same as Jake. “Ms. Jones is working on an important case at the moment for a mutual client of ours--who shall remain anonymous--and it would be beneficial to the whole NYPD if she could be let out without charge.

“She was caught breaking and entering, man.” Shrugged Peralta. “And she’s got too many strikes against her name for Bail.”

“And she called me Tiny Head,” Muttered Terry darkly. He had enough of that from his brother-in-law. He didn’t want to have to take it from tiny little wannabe superheroes as well.

“Ms. Jones has a rather, shall we say, _colourful_ , way of handling people I know.” Matt began. “However I assure you she is like that with everyone, and it was in no way personal. Any offense she may have caused is down to her own misplaced attempts at humour used as a defense mechanism in times of stress. I’m sure the pair of you can understand that.”

The officers exchanged shrugs. 9 out of 10 times the only way to handle working with the 99 were to laugh about each other. Being a super powered PI can’t have been a particularly stress-free job. Still, the law was the law and she’d broken it.

“I see perhaps this isn’t getting us anywhere,” sighed Matt. “I’ll tell you what then, Officers. Do any of you like _Trish Talk_?”

“Hell yeah.” Said Terry. “Best damn radio show in the whole of NYC. Listen to it when I’m working out. She has the best damn guests, that flutist from three months back.” He clicked his fingers. “Dayum she was good!”

“Flutist? Really?” said Jake, raising an eyebrow at his boss who glowered back down at him.

“Well, I happen to know that Ms. Walker is always on the lookout for friendly real life New York folks to talk on her show and--”

“Are you trying to bribe us?!” cried Jake in shock. “Really? Matt ‘Only the Blind know you’re Bluffing’ Murdock is trying to bribe us into letting a criminal go free when she was caught red handed on three counts of--”

“Did you say _Trish Talk_?” came the granite voice of Captain Holt.

Matt turned his head towards him. “Why yes we were. Captain Holt, I presume?”

“Yes.”

“Well my client Ms. Jones is a childhood friend of Ms. Walker’s, and I’m sure if she made a phone call, Trish would be delighted to have someone like yourself on the show. You must have quite the story to tell.”

“Yes. Yes I do.” The hint of smile echoed across his face. “Jeffords, release Ms Jones.”

“But Sir!”

“I said release her. A friend of Trish Walker’s can’t be a real criminal.”

“She was caught breaking and entering! She destroyed property!” said Jake, shocked at his dad’s behaviour--captain. His _captain’s_ \-- _The_ Captain’s behaviour.

“She smashed my car! Which is also my wife’s car! I can’t let her go, Sharon’d murder me, and she knows how to get away with it. She’s brilliant like that.” He added with a hint of pride.

“I’m sure Ms. Jones did whatever she had to do in order to help out Mr Murdock’s client.” Holt said. “Now go and get her release papers sorted. That’s an order.” He barked and the pair of them went off to begrudgingly release her.

*

“So what you’re saying is, I have to interview this Captain Holt guy just to stop Jessica from getting arrested again?”

“Pretty much yeah.” Nodded Matt.

“Who even is he?”

“NYPD’s First Openly Gay Black Police Officer.”

“Eh, I can make that work.” Shrugged Trish. “But never again. I’m a radio host, not your bail fund.”

“Whatever Trish,” sighed Jessica. “Can we please get back to the matter in hand? If I don’t get my hands on Bishop soon, I’m going to smash something else. Nobody treats Kate like that and gets away with it.”  


End file.
